Anna Begins

“Anna Begins” - Counting Crows (August and Everything After -1993)

My friend assured me it’s all or nothing. Commitment that is. Isn’t that the nature of the beast after all? What about the reverse of that? Is there an equivalent to anti-commitment? If there is, than that is what my friend was trying to convince me of in the summer of 1997. August, actually. All of my friends, actually. Everything after is just a blur.
What my friends neglected to understand was that I was the one. The only one who could understand her. To them, every word was nonsense. More attempts to reach into my chest and twist my already twisted heart into an inhuman shape. They couldn’t see what I could see though. They weren’t behind closed doors in those moments when all the rest of the world washed away. She could never stop shaking and I could never stop touching her. I was happy to reside somewhere between all or nothing. I never thought of the consequences. I never thought of the ending. Was I supposed to?
Adam Duritz wrote a perfect song and I would play it over and over again. Convinced, in that way that we all believe sometimes, these words were for me. A 3-part epic in 4 ½ minutes that takes you from hello to goodbye in a melancholy way that rings beautiful and exhausting at the same time. As much as I wanted to stay in that shade of gray and tell everyone else to go to hell, it was only a matter of time. I had to come to the end of myself before I was to come to the end of that song. It was sad to let her go, but there is much joy in the realization that you can always begin again.

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